Interloper.

why I shouldn't live on earth

I wish the second I could understand the world, someone grabbed me by the wrist, sat me down and told me the truth. I wish they said

“You know how everyone
believes in happiness, well
happiness never has and
never will exist. It’s an
illusion, you can only be
happy for a short moment
of time and you spend the
rest of your life miserable.
You know how they say
“everything happens for a
reason”, well that’s also false.
Life is constantly going
throw shit at you, but you
can either make that shit into
a sculpture and make people
pay to see it or let it pile up
and smell it for the rest of
your god damn life. You know
how your parents say shit like
they love you and they’ll support
you through everything well
thats the biggest lie of them all.”

People will always tell you that they’ll die for you and that they’ll support you forever and always. But that’s only because for that brief moment you’re their happiness. You appear to them as that temporary illusion. Once they realize that their happiness doesn’t resonate with you they drop you, like an old framed picture of an ex that once meant the world to them. But just like their ex, you don’t mean anything to anymore. It makes you wonder if you ever meant anything to them at all. But truth me told, you never did. You were a shiny dollar bill but over time you got worn and they discarded you. They put you at the bottom of the stack because they realized they needed something better. They wanted the ace of spades but you were just the king of hearts.

Advertisements

Melancholy 

why I shouldn't live on earth

It’s times like these where I wish someone would understand me. Where I wasn’t trapped in my own mind with all these lingering thoughts of whether I want to make it till tomorrow didn’t exist. I so desperately want to rid this depression but no matter what I do it always comes backs and haunts me. In my dreams I lay awake at night hoping that someone will understand what I’m going through, but when I awake from the dreams I’m here again living the shadows of who they want me to be.

 I succeed at things that they want to be good at it. I’m living the happiness of someone else and it’s so engraved in me that I don’t know how to stop it. Whenever I try to show individuality they bring me back to the herd like a pack of wolves, punishing me for being different. Stripping me of my clothes and ordering that I put on a jail jumper and surrender to them like I always have done. But the punishment I receive is mental, it’s from the thoughts I think alone. From my own cursed mind, that’s doing nothing but destroying me from within. That’s controlling my every thought, emotion and actions. My mind powerful enough to create the depressing that my heart is trying so hard to get rid of. Yet my mind causes the tears out of my eyes when I start feeling depressed and alone. 

At times like these I wish I had someone to talk to, but instead I’m talking to myself. The being that’s been doing nothing but make me depressed in the first place.